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Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
  1

Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 06:49 PM

Vellum Elites
 
Posts: 2381
#1202489
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This is my first attempt at poetry so constructive criticism is encouraged! If you have insight for how I can improve this please share. Otherwise, feel free to comment what you liked.

Our Pond

I wanted to spend an eternity by the pond

Basking in your presence, lulled by your smile

But the pond wasn’t a lake and an eternity was only a moment


All you wanted was what you were told to want

Face and presence, power and respect

But in my presence you relaxed

I saw a side of you beside the pond

That others do not see, cannot see

Because they do not fish our pond

Relaxation is not good they tell us

One must have an edge to survive

But what happened to the gallantry of grace

A soft touch, a kind word, and a sincere smile

Your nature has been betrayed by the vice of society

And with it your appreciation of the relaxation nature can provide

Just like the rest you fall into a pool of unrecognition

So that you mirror what is reflected on the surface

But the world does not see you

Because they do not fish our pond

I see you, but you do not look back

You are ever reaching out, trying to pull others in

Hoping they will give you that which you lack

Hoping they will mirror the life you reflect

But you are left wanting, left empty

Because they do not fish our pond

And I am left wanting you

Loathing myself for understanding your nature

While you loathe the prison in which you are trapped

You are cursed to play on a stage that so many others have walked

But you know not your folley because you are an actor

The stage is all you know, the performance must go on

But your heart yearns for our pond

To swim among the lilies and gaze into the dark waters

However paradox leaves us in inexplicable entanglement

Knowing the other has that which we seek

Yet we are unable to grasp it

You are always just out of reach

And I make no move forward

Foolishly I trust that you will one day abandon the reflections of the water

To join me on the shore

And you sustain that I will surely dive in after you

So that your play does not go unappreciated

So we both reflect the glassy surface that hides our inner desires

But instead we persist in utter loneliness in the company of one another

Because they do not fish our pond


Edited at April 23, 2024 07:32 PM by Vellum Elites
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 06:51 PM

Dash and Duchess
 
Posts: 587
#1202492
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Wow! Very pretty and i can see your care in writing <3
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 06:53 PM

Vellum Elites
 
Posts: 2381
#1202493
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Dash and Duchess said:
Wow! Very pretty and i can see your care in writing <3


this was written from a heart touched by pain haha
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 06:57 PM

Covetta
 
Posts: 357
#1202495
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I got teary eyes reading that, your very talented
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 07:05 PM

Bioshock Manor
 
Posts: 1962
#1202498
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This spoke to me in so many ways
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 07:09 PM

Ponies heaven
 
Posts: 6650
#1202499
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Covetta said:
I got teary eyes reading that, your very talented


Same! My eyes got teary because that piece is so close to home, Your are very talented vellum!
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 07:30 PM

Vellum Elites
 
Posts: 2381
#1202505
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It is both beautiful and regretful that you all seem to have experienced something similar. Thank you for all the sweet comments!
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 07:30 PM

Hummingbird Meadows
 
Posts: 220
#1202506
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This is beautiful! Well done! I can tell you put a lot of effort and thought into this.
Our Pond [comments encouraged] April 23, 2024 07:33 PM

Vellum Elites
 
Posts: 2381
#1202508
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Hummingbird Meadows said:
This is beautiful! Well done! I can tell you put a lot of effort and thought into this.


Quite honestly I wrote it in 10 minutes but it definitely comes from the heart. Thank you!

Forums > Rider's Lounge > Writer's Nook
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